The "Real" World

Has anyone ever said to you, "Just wait until you get into the real world"? Over the years of my seclusion in Christian communities such as Crown College and here at Gordon-Conwell (also known as "Holy Hill"), many people have said this to me. The comment never really bothered me before, or at least only slightly, but for some reason the comment has grown more annoying than ever before. I know not why, but I speculate that it stems from my pride rooted deep within--the pride I have in my life experiences and the emotional pain I carry because of them.

The people who make this comment are usually middle class, white Americans who have never really experienced anything more devastating or life altering than the death of a loved one and other such events. Most were raised in loving, caring homes where food was always on the table, the house was always heated, a family member was only a short distance away, life's decisions were relatively black and white. For these people, caring for their family means making enough money to provide nice clothing for the children, money for college, money for the children to be in sports and other school/community activities, and all the things a child might "need" in life, e.g. t.v., computer, toys, piano lessons, nice house, etc. They are loved, cared for, and cherished by their families and friends. I have had this life, and I admit, it has not been what many wealthy people experience, but it was and is nonetheless very good. I never knew a day without food, heat, and comfort, and though there might have been times when my parents felt slight financial burdens, they were always relatively stable.

These people assume that because I have had this life growing up, and because I have never really had a "real" job (which is another annoyance and demands its own blog entry), that I have no idea what the "real" world is and what it is like to live in the "real" world. In the "real" world, at least the one these people have experienced, life demands long work hours to pay for good insurance coverage, the mortgage on their expensive home, the one or two loan payments on their car, expensive vacations, up-to-date technology in the home, other toys for the family (snowmobiles, four-wheelers, boat, etc.). For them, life demands sacrifice in dealing with tough bosses or customers, unfavorable work hours, inconveniences at every corner in life, etc. Yes, these do constitute the "real" world for a typical middle-class white American.

But the real world I have experienced, which most of them know nothing about is the "real" world for most of the world. I discovered this real world through talking with Victor, the homeless man in Lithuania with only the clothes on his back and a spoon to his name who would stop me on the street on my walk to school every day and would comment on how beautiful my hair looked. I discovered it through spending time at the garbage dump outside of Klaipeda, Lithuania, where several hundred people lived in their homes made literally out of garbage. I'll never forget the looks on their faces when we would come to sing with them and bring food--looks of despair and longing. The "real" world was all around me from the moment I left my apartment this past year to go anywhere in the city. The homeless I would sit with, the Gypsy children placed on the street by their parents to beg, and the drunken stupor of men on the street in an attempt to blind them of their troubles all confronted me as the "real" world. I do not only remember and carry with me the faces of all these people and their pains, but also those who had a home and food and were simply trying to do what is right in the world. The numerous conversations I had with my roommates in Lithuania regarding how within ten years their families would be without work and potentially without a home simply because they were Russian sticks with me. The stories I heard from my Albanian friends about the war they have experienced will stay with me always. My student and friend Denis' questions about whether he should give in to the corruption of the government that stifles all that could potentially be good about the future of Kyrgyzstan is fresh in my mind and on my heart. Ethical questions in general in all parts of the world that people are faced with daily is the "real" world. I know how my friend Lilly has faced the rejection of her family simply because she has decided to follow Jesus--something unthinkable here in America. And I can't count the number of tears I saw on the faces of the women at the old folks' home in Bishkek--women so rejected by their families that they would one day die completely alone and receive no funeral.

Someday I will write a book and discuss these realities more in depth and give numerous more examples. For now, this must suffice as evidence of my experience in the "real" world. These things have been on my heart daily, and will continue to be for years to come. I somehow carry the grief's, pains, questions of torment, etc. of these people I have been faced with and their life stories. To me, this is the real world. No, I might not know the exact cost of a root canal without insurance to cover it, or how much of an inconvenience a bad boss or customer might be. But I know the "real" world in a way that most of these white Americans do not understand and will probably never know for themselves. The "real" world is not something most middle-class white Americans know anything about. Praise God that I am not at the place where I resent the fact that people feel freedom to say this to me in a condescending manner, but it is definitely very annoying and frustrating, and something I will probably have to live with for the rest of my life.