Yet again I’ve travelled to the end of the world and back, though in the summer when the road is open Cooke City doesn’t feel quite like the end of the world—just close enough to the edge to make a trans-Atlantic traveller rather weary. My time at home in Minnesota and Montana passed far too quickly, as I should have expected it to do, but was nevertheless exceptionally fun and refreshing. Hardly a day went by that I didn’t spend time with old or new friends in some form of outdoor recreational activity, or assisting in preparations for Brandon and Kerstin’s wedding. Someone in Montana made the comment one day that I’d done nearly everything under the sun on this trip. Well, perhaps not everything, but certainly the days were filled with a number of activities. Needless to say, I did not accomplish the school work I had anticipated accomplishing. Why I still deceive myself into foolishly thinking that I can get work done when away from St Andrews is beside me.
The weather finally changed on the day that I left, but what a scene to leave!
Five weeks away from the office is a long time, to be sure; returning to St Andrews, I can sense a loss of momentum. This is entirely normal, but it’s also to the simple fact that I so dearly love everyone that I’ve just said goodbye to (again), and I’d rather be there than here. Scotland is good, but Minnesota/Montana, i.e. home, is better. Before beginning this PhD programme, several former professors shared with me their experiences of loneliness while pursuing their doctorates and cautioned me to be prepared for a similar experience and challenged me to make adequate time for maintaining friend and family connections at home. This break was necessary for just that reason (along with giving my eyes a rest from reading)!
Exactly two years ago today I arrived in Scotland for the first time, and, as of yesterday, I am now a third-year doctoral student; how remarkable is that? I am now part of the group of students who have held desk space longer than any other current students in my office building. Those here before me have either completed the programme, returned to the States to complete, or have been assigned alternate desk space as they’re in their fourth year. I too will be reassigned to another desk one year from now. Hopefully by that time the light at the end of the tunnel will be glowing rather brightly. Hopefully.
Being home was wonderful for the change of pace and activities to distract me from the endless studies, but it was also incredibly beneficial for regaining a sense of purpose and support. After a few months of the daily grind here, it is easy to feel alone in the pursuit, especially during the dark days of winter. Despite what any photos might present, life in Scotland is no vacation. Returning to St Andrews this time around, however, especially considering that I probably won’t be back in Montana until I leave Scotland for good, I am returning and beginning this third year with a renewed sense of purpose and community support. Hearing family and friends declare ‘We’re so proud of you’, and ‘you’re always in our prayers’ were just the words this soul needed to hear. I’m returning here reminded that, while it may be my body and mind at the desk and in the books day after day, hour after hour, there is one huge family and one mountain village entirely behind me in this pursuit, and, though it may feel like it on occasion, I am not alone. This PhD is for me and a future career, but even more so, it is for all of my family and my dear, dear friends in Montana/Wyoming. Thank you to all of you who continually show your love and support of me in this pursuit. It’s that support that will bring me home—eventually for good.
And, just to throw this in, as I sit here eating my red lentil vegetable soup (day 1 of 5), ‘THANK YOU’ to all of you who either bought food for me or cooked for me while home. I can still taste the cookies, steaks, pancakes, ribs, pizza, and everything in between!
Finally, for your reading pleasure, a few words from Montana’s greatest song writer: ‘If you’re ever in Montana take a message to my friends, that the glamour of the city is riding empty on the wind; it can steal away your joy and leave your heart stone blind, make a cold Montana winter seem like something warm and fine’. Well said, Jeff; well said.
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